As funerals go, this was actually a rather nice one. Understated, no hysterics, absolutely beautiful flowers, and a lovely service. The wake was full of friendly faces - is it awful to say that I actually even quite enjoyed it? I think I felt some form of closure, and although totally heart wrenching to say goodbye, it couldn''t have been done in a better way. I know I will miss her for the rest of my days.
The eulogy went fine. In fact it went more than fine - an inner voice emerged, and I managed to talk slowly and clearly and even with some intonation. Having stood up in front of the packed church, I simply took a deep breath and pretended that I was alone with Susan. I have never been so relieved in my whole life, that a) they all loved it, and b) that I managed to do it without croaking. I really wanted it to go well - for Mark mostly, and of course the rest of his family.
Last night I went for a drink with Lynn in the village. She has been great actually - very supportive, and able to down copius amounts of beer. I have to say thought that I have been really touched by ALL my friends. Jen - the plant and cards and supportive texts have been appreciated more than you will ever know - and to all the wonderful friends that have sent us supportive texts and emails and cards, I really really thank you. I am a lucky lucky girl.
xxxxxxxx
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Eulogy for Susan
"When first asked to write this eulogy, I had no clue where to begin. This was a eulogy that for a start I never wanted to face writing; but also, how could I sum up a woman that bought so much joy to so many people in so many different ways? However, one word kept jumping out at me, time and time again…. FAMILY. This was what defined Mum, and influenced almost all of the choices she made throughout her life.
When Grandad and Nana, Harold and Ivy, moved from Birmingham and took over the post office in Haslingfield, Mum’s destiny was set in stone. Never wanting to stray far from her own Mother, Mum built her life here. As you all know, sadly Harold died when relatively young, but that bought Mother and Daughter even closer, and they enjoyed many happy times together. We know that Mum took great comfort from the fact that Nana lived a happy and healthy life until well into her 90s. Mum’s older brother David and his wife Jill also lived close by, and I know that I can speak for them and say that Mum also bought joy to their lives, and they to hers. Jill in fact worked with Mum at Robert Sayles at the beginning of her working life, and it was through a Robert Sayles Christmas party that she actually met Dad.
Marriage, her Children and subsequent Grandchildren were what really fulfilled Mum.
As I look around, it’s plain to see the sadness on our faces. But, I also see love. I see the love of Dad, John, married to Mum for nearly 45 years. They met in their twenties, and have been best friends and partners since then. They shared many many common interests, not least their love of traveling. Their holidays often took them to exotic and unusual destinations; they shared holidays with their children and grandchildren, and holidays with their friends – long term friends Angela and Ken, and more recently their other friends Ken and Anne. Something she was fiercely proud of was that she and John managed to provide a holiday for their children every single year, even when money was tight for them in the early years of their marriage. Mum loved the seaside, and was always at her happiest sitting on a beach while listening to the waves.
I also see the faces of her children, Paul, Mark and Caroline - whose faces mirror mine. We wonder how we’ll be able to go on without Mum being an everyday presence in our lives. Susan invested so much time in her children. She took jobs in the village, first as a dinner lady and then as the parish clerk and taking in sewing work; always making sure that she was close at hand for her children and her Mum. There must have been difficult times, especially as she had the children so close together time-wise, but she never complained. As you three mourn your loss, I think that it is important to remember that each of you defines the proud moments of Mum’s life. Mum celebrated your successes with you, and she mourned your failures as well. Most importantly, she was there for you at all times. Her love for you was unconditional and abounding.
I see my sister-in law, Alison, I see Phil. And then, I see her grandchildren, her wonderful, glorious grandchildren; Jessica, Sam, Katie and little Emily. They were her reason for happiness every single day.
I see also Mum’s dear friends. You know, it occurred to us recently that EVERYONE loved Mum. She didn’t belong to us alone. Everyone has been telling us their stories of Mum, and they are all going to miss her. That is a wonderful legacy that Mum has left us. Karin and Wasi, Christine and Norman, Pat and Des, Angela, and all the other neighbours and good friends here today - we thank you for being Mum’s friends. She loved you all very much.
To be honest, I think Mum would be surprised if she saw so many people gathered here to say goodbye to her. She was, after all, an unassuming lady. She liked to be at home doing her own thing, keeping herself busy; planning visits to her dear friends and family, and welcoming them into her home. She liked to tend her garden, write letters, read the papers or the latest Catherine Cookson novel, and keep her home running as smooth as any ship. She had a love of nature, and a love of animals (especially cats). She enjoyed watching sport on TV; tennis and cricket in particular. If we spoke to her on a Saturday evening, she always commented on the football scores, and supported John, Paul and Mark in their love of football. A deeply private and spiritual woman; always humble, never wanting to make a fuss or cause concern. It wouldn't occur to her that she was so popular, that she will be missed so much. Yet the very fact that so many have gathered to celebrate her life says much more about her, and her kindness, than mere words.
Mum, you see, did her good deeds by stealth. She never advertised the fact that she helped so many people in so many different ways. She never talked about her numerous acts of kindness. Yet I believe that almost everyone here today has been at the receiving end of that kindness. She may have loaned you a book that she thought you might particularly enjoy, or purchased you a special gift that she found on her travels, mended a hem for you or written you a letter or a card offering appreciation, love or support which meant a lot to you. She might have fed you, or offered you a bed if you needed it, or simply lent you an ear. Always understated, but always deeply thoughtful, Mum gained great pleasure from those around her, and gave great pleasure too. She made a huge contribution to the local community – fundraising for this church, and even helping to start the first playgroup in the village along with her friend Karin.
I don’t think Mum had many, or any, regrets in this life either. I do know that she was thrilled to see the births of her grandchildren, and we have been reassured by her friends that she left this world without any worries – all was right in her world. Some ill health in recent years of course left its mark, but she never really let it get her down.
I could go on regaling you with stories of Mum, but I realize my time is limited. So at this time, I would like to remind you of that word that defined Mum: FAMILY. She made our family her world, she lived for us and she worked for us. She taught us our morals, and she taught us our values. Her actions spoke louder than words. Somebody as attuned to nature as Mum was, knows that there is always another Spring around the corner. Every time we look at the spring bulbs, we will think of Mum and the memories will bring sadness, then like that Spring they will bring new gladness.
When Grandad and Nana, Harold and Ivy, moved from Birmingham and took over the post office in Haslingfield, Mum’s destiny was set in stone. Never wanting to stray far from her own Mother, Mum built her life here. As you all know, sadly Harold died when relatively young, but that bought Mother and Daughter even closer, and they enjoyed many happy times together. We know that Mum took great comfort from the fact that Nana lived a happy and healthy life until well into her 90s. Mum’s older brother David and his wife Jill also lived close by, and I know that I can speak for them and say that Mum also bought joy to their lives, and they to hers. Jill in fact worked with Mum at Robert Sayles at the beginning of her working life, and it was through a Robert Sayles Christmas party that she actually met Dad.
Marriage, her Children and subsequent Grandchildren were what really fulfilled Mum.
As I look around, it’s plain to see the sadness on our faces. But, I also see love. I see the love of Dad, John, married to Mum for nearly 45 years. They met in their twenties, and have been best friends and partners since then. They shared many many common interests, not least their love of traveling. Their holidays often took them to exotic and unusual destinations; they shared holidays with their children and grandchildren, and holidays with their friends – long term friends Angela and Ken, and more recently their other friends Ken and Anne. Something she was fiercely proud of was that she and John managed to provide a holiday for their children every single year, even when money was tight for them in the early years of their marriage. Mum loved the seaside, and was always at her happiest sitting on a beach while listening to the waves.
I also see the faces of her children, Paul, Mark and Caroline - whose faces mirror mine. We wonder how we’ll be able to go on without Mum being an everyday presence in our lives. Susan invested so much time in her children. She took jobs in the village, first as a dinner lady and then as the parish clerk and taking in sewing work; always making sure that she was close at hand for her children and her Mum. There must have been difficult times, especially as she had the children so close together time-wise, but she never complained. As you three mourn your loss, I think that it is important to remember that each of you defines the proud moments of Mum’s life. Mum celebrated your successes with you, and she mourned your failures as well. Most importantly, she was there for you at all times. Her love for you was unconditional and abounding.
I see my sister-in law, Alison, I see Phil. And then, I see her grandchildren, her wonderful, glorious grandchildren; Jessica, Sam, Katie and little Emily. They were her reason for happiness every single day.
I see also Mum’s dear friends. You know, it occurred to us recently that EVERYONE loved Mum. She didn’t belong to us alone. Everyone has been telling us their stories of Mum, and they are all going to miss her. That is a wonderful legacy that Mum has left us. Karin and Wasi, Christine and Norman, Pat and Des, Angela, and all the other neighbours and good friends here today - we thank you for being Mum’s friends. She loved you all very much.
To be honest, I think Mum would be surprised if she saw so many people gathered here to say goodbye to her. She was, after all, an unassuming lady. She liked to be at home doing her own thing, keeping herself busy; planning visits to her dear friends and family, and welcoming them into her home. She liked to tend her garden, write letters, read the papers or the latest Catherine Cookson novel, and keep her home running as smooth as any ship. She had a love of nature, and a love of animals (especially cats). She enjoyed watching sport on TV; tennis and cricket in particular. If we spoke to her on a Saturday evening, she always commented on the football scores, and supported John, Paul and Mark in their love of football. A deeply private and spiritual woman; always humble, never wanting to make a fuss or cause concern. It wouldn't occur to her that she was so popular, that she will be missed so much. Yet the very fact that so many have gathered to celebrate her life says much more about her, and her kindness, than mere words.
Mum, you see, did her good deeds by stealth. She never advertised the fact that she helped so many people in so many different ways. She never talked about her numerous acts of kindness. Yet I believe that almost everyone here today has been at the receiving end of that kindness. She may have loaned you a book that she thought you might particularly enjoy, or purchased you a special gift that she found on her travels, mended a hem for you or written you a letter or a card offering appreciation, love or support which meant a lot to you. She might have fed you, or offered you a bed if you needed it, or simply lent you an ear. Always understated, but always deeply thoughtful, Mum gained great pleasure from those around her, and gave great pleasure too. She made a huge contribution to the local community – fundraising for this church, and even helping to start the first playgroup in the village along with her friend Karin.
I don’t think Mum had many, or any, regrets in this life either. I do know that she was thrilled to see the births of her grandchildren, and we have been reassured by her friends that she left this world without any worries – all was right in her world. Some ill health in recent years of course left its mark, but she never really let it get her down.
I could go on regaling you with stories of Mum, but I realize my time is limited. So at this time, I would like to remind you of that word that defined Mum: FAMILY. She made our family her world, she lived for us and she worked for us. She taught us our morals, and she taught us our values. Her actions spoke louder than words. Somebody as attuned to nature as Mum was, knows that there is always another Spring around the corner. Every time we look at the spring bulbs, we will think of Mum and the memories will bring sadness, then like that Spring they will bring new gladness.
Do not Stand at my Grave and Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
Do not stand at my grave and mourn.
I am the dew-flecked grass at dawn.
Where tranquil oceans meet the land
I am the footprints in the sand
To guide you through the weary day.
I am still here; I'll always stay.
When you wake up to morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die."
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Well...
...its been a long long week. Can't believe it was this time last week that I headed over to the hospital, hoping that it was a curable form of pneumonia that had befallen poor Susan. Little did *I* know...
Anyway... we are all trying to keep ourselves busy. Poor John (Mark's Dad) doesn't know whether he is coming or going at the moment. Quite a tricky juggling act for us at the moment - he went AWOL last night, and while part of you realises that he is an adult and is free to go wherever he pleases, another part wants to know where he is,what he is doing, and what he is feeling at every single moment. He is still staying with us for the time being, and did eventually turn up at 10pm having been to see a few people in his village - although tonight I think he is staying with Caroline, as she lives near to his beloved Cambridge United football ground, and he is going to watch them play tonight. Mark has got Noel coming over tonight for their usual curry etc, and I have got netball.
I have been busy trying to piece together a Eulogy. I have offered to help write one and read it for the family next week - and while part of me feels honoured to be doing it, another part of me (the part that HATES public speaking) is doing somersaults! I think I may have to have a vodka drip lined up - although there is a steely part of me that seems to have reared its funny old head this last week, which seems more than capable of doing all sorts of tricky things. Sometimes its nice when you can even surprise yourself - I kind of know I can be a tough old boot at times, but thankfully I don't need to draw on it often. I am much more contained than I lead myself (and especially others) to believe! ;-)
Tomorrow night am meeting up with Caroline to clear some of Susan's stuff out of the main part of their home (slippers by the door, and that kind of thing), and to spend some more time on this Eulogy. How can you cram everything you want to say about somebody into 5 minutes, whilst mentioning EVERYONE and everything important to them, AND make it warm and funny at the same time... hmmmm.... it may stretch my writing skills to the maximum! (Don't say that that isn't difficult, Ms Mckee! ;-)
Anyway... I guess I should get off home.
Much love to all...
Hayley
xxxx
PS. Jen - BIG thank you again for the gorgeous peace lily. Its simply lovely, and really really appreciated. xx
Anyway... we are all trying to keep ourselves busy. Poor John (Mark's Dad) doesn't know whether he is coming or going at the moment. Quite a tricky juggling act for us at the moment - he went AWOL last night, and while part of you realises that he is an adult and is free to go wherever he pleases, another part wants to know where he is,what he is doing, and what he is feeling at every single moment. He is still staying with us for the time being, and did eventually turn up at 10pm having been to see a few people in his village - although tonight I think he is staying with Caroline, as she lives near to his beloved Cambridge United football ground, and he is going to watch them play tonight. Mark has got Noel coming over tonight for their usual curry etc, and I have got netball.
I have been busy trying to piece together a Eulogy. I have offered to help write one and read it for the family next week - and while part of me feels honoured to be doing it, another part of me (the part that HATES public speaking) is doing somersaults! I think I may have to have a vodka drip lined up - although there is a steely part of me that seems to have reared its funny old head this last week, which seems more than capable of doing all sorts of tricky things. Sometimes its nice when you can even surprise yourself - I kind of know I can be a tough old boot at times, but thankfully I don't need to draw on it often. I am much more contained than I lead myself (and especially others) to believe! ;-)
Tomorrow night am meeting up with Caroline to clear some of Susan's stuff out of the main part of their home (slippers by the door, and that kind of thing), and to spend some more time on this Eulogy. How can you cram everything you want to say about somebody into 5 minutes, whilst mentioning EVERYONE and everything important to them, AND make it warm and funny at the same time... hmmmm.... it may stretch my writing skills to the maximum! (Don't say that that isn't difficult, Ms Mckee! ;-)
Anyway... I guess I should get off home.
Much love to all...
Hayley
xxxx
PS. Jen - BIG thank you again for the gorgeous peace lily. Its simply lovely, and really really appreciated. xx
Monday, January 21, 2008
Dearest Suzy...
Am afraid that am writing with some very sad news. Mark’s Mum (Suzy) died last Wednesday – a huge shock to us all. She had apparently had a massive yet painless 'silent heart attack' the weekend previous (we saw her on the Sunday, and thought she was in bed with a cold/bug), but this unfortunately caused so much damage that all her organs started shutting down on Tuesday. We managed to speak to her in the hospital on Tuesday night, and although it was a huge shock to us all, we can take comfort from the fact that she died peacefully and painlessly with all her family around her.
There will be a memorial service for her in Haslingfield next week (the 30th) at 1:30pm.As you may or may not know, Mark was incredibly close to his Mum, as was I – and this has been an enormous blow to us both. Mark’s Dad is devastated at the moment, and is currently living with us. So bear with us for a bit!
Lots of love
Hayley
xxx
Benjamin William Miles
This is a direct quote from the new Mum herself - and I have to say I couldn't be more pleased for any two people...
"Benjamin William Miles was finally born 13 days late by ceaserean section after he resisted all other attempts to induce him on Tuesday, 15th January at 5:11 pm, weighing 7lb and 3 oz. We returned home yesterday evening and he is enjoying his new home and keeping the neighbours awake. He has a Miles appetite and the midwife has already declared that he is a gannet.."
With much love to you all Jane - I cant wait to meet the little fella! He is gorgeous!!!!! (am still convinced that that strap on cannonball bump you had was a fake, and that you bought him off the internet really!)...
Best wishes for a fun filled and long long future together...
Hayley and Mark
xxx
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Life is a Rollercoaster...
First off - HAPPY NEW YEAR! In case you are one of the few people that have not received either a text message, email or Facebook greeting wishing you a good one, am making sure you get it here...
Well - sorry for the delay in blogging. Have had a bit of a dry spell of late - I guess I can put it down to being very very busy at work and at home the last couple of weeks.
Today is a funny old day. Am desperately waiting on the end of the phone for some good news and some hopefully ok news... Jane has gone into hospital today to have a c-section, and hopefully will be 'avec baby' in the very near future. She spent the entire weekend in hospital last weekend being 'induced', but all they managed to do was induce extreme tiredness and a great deal of discomfort - unfortunately, not quite the level of discomfort required to eject mini-Miles. Jamie says that he has been putting farleys rusks in Jane's knickers, but as yet the gateway to the world is firmly and resolutely shut. On a more serious note though, she is almost two weeks overdue - so it looks like there will be one more attempt at natural birth, and failing that the Greek method will be used...
The not so good, in fact awful, news is that Mark's Mum has been taken into hospital today with pneumonia. I am hanging on for some news of how she is doing (at the moment all we have is a GP's diagnosis that she has fluid on her lungs, and that she has been taken to Addenbrookes in an ambulance), and I am hoping to hear something really soon. Goodness knows how or why this has happened, I can only hope beyond all hope that she will be ok.... she was in bed at the weekend with a cold and some weariness/fever, but we were expecting her to be back to herself post haste. :-s
So.... not sure I can rabble on about the other stuff going on here at the moment, it all seems a little bit minor. Our kitchen is finally in the process of being fitted - Mark is doing a superb job, and I am incredibly proud of him. Its a very very clever man that I have landed myself there. I have joined a gym, and am loving it (as always - I wonder why or how I managed to ever give up going in the first place!). Other than that, life is going on...
Fingers crossed for some all round good news.
Love to all
Hayley
xxxx
Well - sorry for the delay in blogging. Have had a bit of a dry spell of late - I guess I can put it down to being very very busy at work and at home the last couple of weeks.
Today is a funny old day. Am desperately waiting on the end of the phone for some good news and some hopefully ok news... Jane has gone into hospital today to have a c-section, and hopefully will be 'avec baby' in the very near future. She spent the entire weekend in hospital last weekend being 'induced', but all they managed to do was induce extreme tiredness and a great deal of discomfort - unfortunately, not quite the level of discomfort required to eject mini-Miles. Jamie says that he has been putting farleys rusks in Jane's knickers, but as yet the gateway to the world is firmly and resolutely shut. On a more serious note though, she is almost two weeks overdue - so it looks like there will be one more attempt at natural birth, and failing that the Greek method will be used...
The not so good, in fact awful, news is that Mark's Mum has been taken into hospital today with pneumonia. I am hanging on for some news of how she is doing (at the moment all we have is a GP's diagnosis that she has fluid on her lungs, and that she has been taken to Addenbrookes in an ambulance), and I am hoping to hear something really soon. Goodness knows how or why this has happened, I can only hope beyond all hope that she will be ok.... she was in bed at the weekend with a cold and some weariness/fever, but we were expecting her to be back to herself post haste. :-s
So.... not sure I can rabble on about the other stuff going on here at the moment, it all seems a little bit minor. Our kitchen is finally in the process of being fitted - Mark is doing a superb job, and I am incredibly proud of him. Its a very very clever man that I have landed myself there. I have joined a gym, and am loving it (as always - I wonder why or how I managed to ever give up going in the first place!). Other than that, life is going on...
Fingers crossed for some all round good news.
Love to all
Hayley
xxxx
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