Eulogy for Susan

"When first asked to write this eulogy, I had no clue where to begin. This was a eulogy that for a start I never wanted to face writing; but also, how could I sum up a woman that bought so much joy to so many people in so many different ways? However, one word kept jumping out at me, time and time again…. FAMILY. This was what defined Mum, and influenced almost all of the choices she made throughout her life.

When Grandad and Nana, Harold and Ivy, moved from Birmingham and took over the post office in Haslingfield, Mum’s destiny was set in stone. Never wanting to stray far from her own Mother, Mum built her life here. As you all know, sadly Harold died when relatively young, but that bought Mother and Daughter even closer, and they enjoyed many happy times together. We know that Mum took great comfort from the fact that Nana lived a happy and healthy life until well into her 90s. Mum’s older brother David and his wife Jill also lived close by, and I know that I can speak for them and say that Mum also bought joy to their lives, and they to hers. Jill in fact worked with Mum at Robert Sayles at the beginning of her working life, and it was through a Robert Sayles Christmas party that she actually met Dad.

Marriage, her Children and subsequent Grandchildren were what really fulfilled Mum.

As I look around, it’s plain to see the sadness on our faces. But, I also see love. I see the love of Dad, John, married to Mum for nearly 45 years. They met in their twenties, and have been best friends and partners since then. They shared many many common interests, not least their love of traveling. Their holidays often took them to exotic and unusual destinations; they shared holidays with their children and grandchildren, and holidays with their friends – long term friends Angela and Ken, and more recently their other friends Ken and Anne. Something she was fiercely proud of was that she and John managed to provide a holiday for their children every single year, even when money was tight for them in the early years of their marriage. Mum loved the seaside, and was always at her happiest sitting on a beach while listening to the waves.

I also see the faces of her children, Paul, Mark and Caroline - whose faces mirror mine. We wonder how we’ll be able to go on without Mum being an everyday presence in our lives. Susan invested so much time in her children. She took jobs in the village, first as a dinner lady and then as the parish clerk and taking in sewing work; always making sure that she was close at hand for her children and her Mum. There must have been difficult times, especially as she had the children so close together time-wise, but she never complained. As you three mourn your loss, I think that it is important to remember that each of you defines the proud moments of Mum’s life. Mum celebrated your successes with you, and she mourned your failures as well. Most importantly, she was there for you at all times. Her love for you was unconditional and abounding.

I see my sister-in law, Alison, I see Phil. And then, I see her grandchildren, her wonderful, glorious grandchildren; Jessica, Sam, Katie and little Emily. They were her reason for happiness every single day.

I see also Mum’s dear friends. You know, it occurred to us recently that EVERYONE loved Mum. She didn’t belong to us alone. Everyone has been telling us their stories of Mum, and they are all going to miss her. That is a wonderful legacy that Mum has left us. Karin and Wasi, Christine and Norman, Pat and Des, Angela, and all the other neighbours and good friends here today - we thank you for being Mum’s friends. She loved you all very much.

To be honest, I think Mum would be surprised if she saw so many people gathered here to say goodbye to her. She was, after all, an unassuming lady. She liked to be at home doing her own thing, keeping herself busy; planning visits to her dear friends and family, and welcoming them into her home. She liked to tend her garden, write letters, read the papers or the latest Catherine Cookson novel, and keep her home running as smooth as any ship. She had a love of nature, and a love of animals (especially cats). She enjoyed watching sport on TV; tennis and cricket in particular. If we spoke to her on a Saturday evening, she always commented on the football scores, and supported John, Paul and Mark in their love of football. A deeply private and spiritual woman; always humble, never wanting to make a fuss or cause concern. It wouldn't occur to her that she was so popular, that she will be missed so much. Yet the very fact that so many have gathered to celebrate her life says much more about her, and her kindness, than mere words.

Mum, you see, did her good deeds by stealth. She never advertised the fact that she helped so many people in so many different ways. She never talked about her numerous acts of kindness. Yet I believe that almost everyone here today has been at the receiving end of that kindness. She may have loaned you a book that she thought you might particularly enjoy, or purchased you a special gift that she found on her travels, mended a hem for you or written you a letter or a card offering appreciation, love or support which meant a lot to you. She might have fed you, or offered you a bed if you needed it, or simply lent you an ear. Always understated, but always deeply thoughtful, Mum gained great pleasure from those around her, and gave great pleasure too. She made a huge contribution to the local community – fundraising for this church, and even helping to start the first playgroup in the village along with her friend Karin.

I don’t think Mum had many, or any, regrets in this life either. I do know that she was thrilled to see the births of her grandchildren, and we have been reassured by her friends that she left this world without any worries – all was right in her world. Some ill health in recent years of course left its mark, but she never really let it get her down.

I could go on regaling you with stories of Mum, but I realize my time is limited. So at this time, I would like to remind you of that word that defined Mum: FAMILY. She made our family her world, she lived for us and she worked for us. She taught us our morals, and she taught us our values. Her actions spoke louder than words. Somebody as attuned to nature as Mum was, knows that there is always another Spring around the corner. Every time we look at the spring bulbs, we will think of Mum and the memories will bring sadness, then like that Spring they will bring new gladness.

Do not Stand at my Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow;

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain;

I am the gentle autumn's rain.

Do not stand at my grave and mourn.

I am the dew-flecked grass at dawn.

Where tranquil oceans meet the land

I am the footprints in the sand

To guide you through the weary day.

I am still here; I'll always stay.

When you wake up to morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there; I did not die."