A sorry tale... not for the faint hearted (or remotely hormonal).
So... a couple of weeks ago, the weather started to turn (my favourite time of the year, it has to be said), and the usual parade of spiders started to take shelter in our home. I know that in the UK our spiders are not all that impressive, and in recent years I have a kind of respectful disdain for them, as opposed to the screaming hatred I had for them in my youth. I am still, to my shame, an occasional 'spider vacumer' - and have even been known to shake the hoover afterwards, to ensure that they are properly dead in there (rather than just a bit dizzy). Anyway... I noticed that an oddly shaped spider, of the "Daddy Long Legs" variety, had taken to wandering around my en suite bathroom, in a melancholy manner. If it is indeed possible for a spider to be melancholy. For some reason, I was unwilling to dispatch said spider to the Great Dyson Rollercoaster In The Sky, and congratulated myself on my supreme maturity, making a decision to leave it for a few days longer before hoovering it up at the weekend. My magnanimity knows no limits you see.
After a couple of days of mooching, the spider, aka "Lady Charlotte", settled into a corner and built a very cosy little web. Again, for some reason, I resisted the faint urge to take her to task, and merely contemplated her moody grimaces and fat tummy (whilst brushing my teeth before bed). The next morning I was greeted with a glorious sight. Well, a sight, anyway. At first I thought that her web had been INCREDIBLY successful overnight, and she had managed to catch a trillion greenfly in her neat little web. On closer inspection (by teetering on the loo seat no less), I noticed that the 'greenfly' were in fact, a hundred or so tiny baby spiders! I had also noticed that LC looked a good deal slimmer (although still had a bit of a baggy tummy), and had that slightly shocked look that new mothers normally have. My heart melted.
So then, my mind turned to my holiday in Cornwall. I knew that in two days' time I was going to Cornwall on holiday, and that my parents were house sitting. I couldn't possibly mention to my mother *not* to dust away the spider's web, as that would be insane, right? I contemplated creating my own web with "What A Spider!" woven into it, but knew that my supplies of cotton wool and Prit Stick were limited (plus, how to disguise my handwriting?). So, I had to leave it to the Spidery Stars.
On return, I amazingly found the web still in tact! Since my Mum is to spiders, what Jamie Oliver is to Black Spot Pigs, it is nothing short of a miracle. LC had moved away a little, and the babies had grown quite a bit. (clearly her milk had 'come in'). So I decided to leave them there, until the babies were old enough to flee the nest. A couple of days ago, though, I noticed that Mummy was absent... However, I had read that after 9 days, Mummy spiders tend to abandon all hope of ever having a moment to themselves, and go on a spider retreat, leaving the kids to look after each other.
***THE SAD BIT***
At 08:32 hours this morning, I was in the shower, when I discovered the body of a female spider lodged between the shower sponge, and the pink hair conditioning comb (that I never use). To my horror, I identified said spider as LC; the melancholy look, the saggy tummy and the greasy hair were a dead giveaway.
As I gave her a moving sea burial with the aid of the shower head, I actually found myself looking up at her progeny, which seem to have scattered themselves all over my bathroom, and said out loud "you did it!"
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this story is. Is it an amazing story about fate, life, maternal sacrifice, the Universe and everything. Or is it a cry for help from a grown woman that has decided to document the fact that she is now reduced to having conversations with dead spiders? I will await the men in white coats with anticipitaion.
Anyway... at what age do you think it would be acceptable to hoover up the little buggers that have made webs all over my ceiling?
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, September 06, 2012
The Trouble With Blogging...
...is that sometimes I am too busy living life to blog about it, and then it all kind of mounts up, and it feels like too much to mention in the blog. It's what I call 'bloggers block'; kind of like 'event constipation'. Anyway... I feel like I need to get this one out of the way.
Last weekend, Ewan was three. "Big Boy Three", as he refers to it.
I am hoping that "Big Boy Three" is going to be like "Fun Boy Three" (not three weird guys singing with Bananarama), but more fun than "Bloody Awful Twos", which were unspeakably dreadful - and partially responsible for my extended blogging silence. I was always taught that if you had nothing constructive or pleasant to say, then don't say anything at all. Iona's entrance into the world, combined with Ewan's apparent discovery of the word "No", and the phrase "Go away Mummy" whilst simultanously trying to pee in inappropriate places purely to cause me consternation caused a nuclear fallout in our household.
So this year, I thought I would do it different. We dropped the party. Perhaps it was that that sent him headlong into several months of toddler meltdown last year? Heh. Let's take that excuse and run with it. Or perhaps it was the fact that for the last two years I have thrown a huge party in his honour, only to find that I am doing it alone, and that I have invited far too many people. Since it is frowned upon to drink your way through a toddler party, I thought it safest to drop it. Instead, we had a lovely outing to Whipsnade Zoo... which was enjoyable, and almost entirely meltdown free. Only the elephants went on the rampage, and that turned out to be 'part of the show'. Watching Ewan's little face when the elephants pretended to ransack a 'man village' whilst Iona egged them on with excited whoops was worth it alone! Lightning McQueen barely featured this year for Ewan. Spiderman is king, despite the fact he has never seen the movies. He went to bed on his birthday with a tummy full of red and blue cake, and a pair of Spiderman socks (and a nappy and a dummy, but we won't mention those).
The highlights of the rest of the weekend were a visit to the Maize Maze at Milton with Adele, and her three children; Ella, Angus and Seb. Who says that looking after five children between two adults is difficult?! ME!!! Repeatedly! ;-) Honestly, the number of times I saw Ewan streaking past in a little blur as he ran between bouncy castles, slides and trampolines, only to find that as I turned my head for a second to look at Iona tipping into a mud pile, he had in fact gone elsewhere (out of sight) is too depressing to report (and I wold probably be reported to social services). They did however have a fantastic time, and we will definately be doing it again next year - but only if I manage to balance out the child/adult ratio a little more.
On Saturday, my parents came to visit, and we took the children to a car boot sale. Needless to say, that despite the fact that a) I could do with having my own car boot sale to get rid of the stack of plastic toys littering my house, and b) it was going to be Ewan's birthday on Sunday, I still managed to go home with a large plastic dinosaur, a plastic 'Woody' from toy story, and an all singing and dancing farm set. Not to mention a 'french' painted coal scuttle, that has received nothing but sneering looks from one of the male householders since it arrived home ;)
Today though I am feeling a little sad. Ewan is having his last day at his nursery. The nursery that have looked after him since he was 7 months old, and where he feels he fits in. We are dragging him kicking and screaming to a new nursery, which has outstanding Ofsted reports and is half the price. A no brainer really... I still can't help feeling a little bit heartbroken for him - especially as he is completely oblivious to the fact that today *is* his last day. We have told him, but he doesn't really understand it. I know that life will be full of much harder decisions than this... but still.
Last weekend, Ewan was three. "Big Boy Three", as he refers to it.
I am hoping that "Big Boy Three" is going to be like "Fun Boy Three" (not three weird guys singing with Bananarama), but more fun than "Bloody Awful Twos", which were unspeakably dreadful - and partially responsible for my extended blogging silence. I was always taught that if you had nothing constructive or pleasant to say, then don't say anything at all. Iona's entrance into the world, combined with Ewan's apparent discovery of the word "No", and the phrase "Go away Mummy" whilst simultanously trying to pee in inappropriate places purely to cause me consternation caused a nuclear fallout in our household.
So this year, I thought I would do it different. We dropped the party. Perhaps it was that that sent him headlong into several months of toddler meltdown last year? Heh. Let's take that excuse and run with it. Or perhaps it was the fact that for the last two years I have thrown a huge party in his honour, only to find that I am doing it alone, and that I have invited far too many people. Since it is frowned upon to drink your way through a toddler party, I thought it safest to drop it. Instead, we had a lovely outing to Whipsnade Zoo... which was enjoyable, and almost entirely meltdown free. Only the elephants went on the rampage, and that turned out to be 'part of the show'. Watching Ewan's little face when the elephants pretended to ransack a 'man village' whilst Iona egged them on with excited whoops was worth it alone! Lightning McQueen barely featured this year for Ewan. Spiderman is king, despite the fact he has never seen the movies. He went to bed on his birthday with a tummy full of red and blue cake, and a pair of Spiderman socks (and a nappy and a dummy, but we won't mention those).
 |
| Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can... |
The highlights of the rest of the weekend were a visit to the Maize Maze at Milton with Adele, and her three children; Ella, Angus and Seb. Who says that looking after five children between two adults is difficult?! ME!!! Repeatedly! ;-) Honestly, the number of times I saw Ewan streaking past in a little blur as he ran between bouncy castles, slides and trampolines, only to find that as I turned my head for a second to look at Iona tipping into a mud pile, he had in fact gone elsewhere (out of sight) is too depressing to report (and I wold probably be reported to social services). They did however have a fantastic time, and we will definately be doing it again next year - but only if I manage to balance out the child/adult ratio a little more.
On Saturday, my parents came to visit, and we took the children to a car boot sale. Needless to say, that despite the fact that a) I could do with having my own car boot sale to get rid of the stack of plastic toys littering my house, and b) it was going to be Ewan's birthday on Sunday, I still managed to go home with a large plastic dinosaur, a plastic 'Woody' from toy story, and an all singing and dancing farm set. Not to mention a 'french' painted coal scuttle, that has received nothing but sneering looks from one of the male householders since it arrived home ;)
Today though I am feeling a little sad. Ewan is having his last day at his nursery. The nursery that have looked after him since he was 7 months old, and where he feels he fits in. We are dragging him kicking and screaming to a new nursery, which has outstanding Ofsted reports and is half the price. A no brainer really... I still can't help feeling a little bit heartbroken for him - especially as he is completely oblivious to the fact that today *is* his last day. We have told him, but he doesn't really understand it. I know that life will be full of much harder decisions than this... but still.
Monday, August 13, 2012
There Were Four in the Bed, and the Little One Said...
So, we did it again. The third time this year that we have been 'camping' with the two children for a long weekend. Quite why we have opted to do something that turns something as simple as even washing the dishes into an epic task is beyond me, but we can't seem to help ourselves ;)
This time we opted to go to Outney Meadow in Bungay. I know. Bungay. We holidayed in Bungay. No matter how I try to dress it up, it always comes back to the same thing. We holidayed in Bungay.... However, Bungay is surprisingly nice. A slightly odd little town, in that it has lots of very exclusive looking shops and eateries, and lots of not very exclusive people trudging around the streets looking like zombies, and making the place look, well, a little 'grubby'. Of course, we fit in a treat. Iona had camping hair to die for, and Ewan managed to filthy up every item of clothing he possessed, and ended up wearing pyjama bottoms for some portion of the weekend.
The campsite itself was very busy (for some reason it was full of people all claiming to hail from Lowestoft), and would have been alot nicer were it not for the proximity of the main road from Bury St. Edmunds to Lowestoft. Who knew there were *that* many motorbikes and lorries on the road at 2am on a Saturday morning? It was however very pretty (our tent was about 20 yards from a gorgeous bit of the river), and we did have live entertainment in the form of a small group of 6 rather morose 'friends' (3 couples), who I suspect went to University together, and spent the entire weekend wondering why the hell they kept in touch. We watched them eat their burnt sausages in silence, and took bets on who would manage to smile next. Their petulant looks in our direction, whilst stroking their carefully coiffured 'bed head' hairdo's were all the more delicious, as we were safe in the knowledge that Iona would be waking them at 'God Awful O'clock' in the morning, as for some reason she prefers her drinks to be served slightly chilled at 5am when under canvas. To add to the entertainment, we had the 'Queen Camper' come to greet us on the hour, and take Iona for cuddles in her caravan with her pit bull dog :/ It's great that kids do not judge, but I do wish that Iona wouldn't constantly blow kisses at such people. This woman looked like a cross between Don King and Bet Lynch, with more gold jewellery than Liberace. She eyed us keenly out of the lacy curtains of her mouldy static caravan (which she seemed to attribute an actual personality too - and constantly referred to as "she") and I knew we were in trouble. Ewan did enjoy playing with her swingball set though, and was fascinated by her tattoo collection. So that's good then.
Friday we explored the mean streets of Bungay, and enjoyed a jaunt around the castle there. Ewan made us laugh our heads off by pretending to run as fast as Bolt around the grounds.
Saturday was a trip to Beccles, an impromptu visit to a rock festival there (??!!! ahem), and a really lovely afternoon in Southwold - culminating in Ewan rolling naked in the sea and turning blue with the cold, and Iona throwing up all over herself on the Pier. What day out would be complete without her doing that? Having said that, she is a HUGE deal better than she has been of late. She had a suspected tummy bug around ten days ago, and has been randomly throwing up since. I think a good course of probiotics for kids have really sorted her out - and turned her back into the eating machine she so naturally is. We did manage to get both children fed and in bed snoring by 8pm; so Mark and I feasted on a bag of Monster Munch each, and fought (almost literally) over a small bag of peanuts because neither of us could be bothered to go and get ourselves a take-away from the vast array available in Bungay. At least we had organised wine ahead of time, so that was good.
Sunday saw us visit an aircraft museum in Flixton (I can't wait until Iona is bigger, and we get to drag those boys to a Princess Castle Extravaganza instead... are there such things?), and in the afternoon we went to my Grandparent's 65 wedding anniversary. 65!!!!! Can you imagine? Quite frankly, I found just the one year of marriage a bit of a struggle (clearly). I think it helps enormously that my Nanny has been deaf for the last twenty or years or so :) It was a lovely afternoon... lots of cakes, and got to see my lovely cousin Liza, who lives in the US and is expecting her much awaited first child later this year; I am so so happy for her. My Nanny was proudly showing everyone the Telegram from The Queen that I organised for them - despite the fact that my Grandad almost refused to sign for it from the postman, as he thought it was some sort of elaborate hoax that was bound to end in them losing all their money and home, or some such. :-) Our arrival home last night with two exhausted children was thankfully uneventful, and I even managed to sit down with a glass of wine and revel in a smug-fest re: Team GB, and watch the very quirky closing event for The Olympics.
The campsite itself was very busy (for some reason it was full of people all claiming to hail from Lowestoft), and would have been alot nicer were it not for the proximity of the main road from Bury St. Edmunds to Lowestoft. Who knew there were *that* many motorbikes and lorries on the road at 2am on a Saturday morning? It was however very pretty (our tent was about 20 yards from a gorgeous bit of the river), and we did have live entertainment in the form of a small group of 6 rather morose 'friends' (3 couples), who I suspect went to University together, and spent the entire weekend wondering why the hell they kept in touch. We watched them eat their burnt sausages in silence, and took bets on who would manage to smile next. Their petulant looks in our direction, whilst stroking their carefully coiffured 'bed head' hairdo's were all the more delicious, as we were safe in the knowledge that Iona would be waking them at 'God Awful O'clock' in the morning, as for some reason she prefers her drinks to be served slightly chilled at 5am when under canvas. To add to the entertainment, we had the 'Queen Camper' come to greet us on the hour, and take Iona for cuddles in her caravan with her pit bull dog :/ It's great that kids do not judge, but I do wish that Iona wouldn't constantly blow kisses at such people. This woman looked like a cross between Don King and Bet Lynch, with more gold jewellery than Liberace. She eyed us keenly out of the lacy curtains of her mouldy static caravan (which she seemed to attribute an actual personality too - and constantly referred to as "she") and I knew we were in trouble. Ewan did enjoy playing with her swingball set though, and was fascinated by her tattoo collection. So that's good then.
Friday we explored the mean streets of Bungay, and enjoyed a jaunt around the castle there. Ewan made us laugh our heads off by pretending to run as fast as Bolt around the grounds.
Saturday was a trip to Beccles, an impromptu visit to a rock festival there (??!!! ahem), and a really lovely afternoon in Southwold - culminating in Ewan rolling naked in the sea and turning blue with the cold, and Iona throwing up all over herself on the Pier. What day out would be complete without her doing that? Having said that, she is a HUGE deal better than she has been of late. She had a suspected tummy bug around ten days ago, and has been randomly throwing up since. I think a good course of probiotics for kids have really sorted her out - and turned her back into the eating machine she so naturally is. We did manage to get both children fed and in bed snoring by 8pm; so Mark and I feasted on a bag of Monster Munch each, and fought (almost literally) over a small bag of peanuts because neither of us could be bothered to go and get ourselves a take-away from the vast array available in Bungay. At least we had organised wine ahead of time, so that was good.
Sunday saw us visit an aircraft museum in Flixton (I can't wait until Iona is bigger, and we get to drag those boys to a Princess Castle Extravaganza instead... are there such things?), and in the afternoon we went to my Grandparent's 65 wedding anniversary. 65!!!!! Can you imagine? Quite frankly, I found just the one year of marriage a bit of a struggle (clearly). I think it helps enormously that my Nanny has been deaf for the last twenty or years or so :) It was a lovely afternoon... lots of cakes, and got to see my lovely cousin Liza, who lives in the US and is expecting her much awaited first child later this year; I am so so happy for her. My Nanny was proudly showing everyone the Telegram from The Queen that I organised for them - despite the fact that my Grandad almost refused to sign for it from the postman, as he thought it was some sort of elaborate hoax that was bound to end in them losing all their money and home, or some such. :-) Our arrival home last night with two exhausted children was thankfully uneventful, and I even managed to sit down with a glass of wine and revel in a smug-fest re: Team GB, and watch the very quirky closing event for The Olympics.
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Missing In Action....
And so... I have decided to resurrect the blog. I realised when I read the blog I wrote almost two years ago how much it taught me about Ewan (stuff I never thought I would forget!), and it made me sad to think I wouldn't be able to look back on this stuff in the future... so here goes! Expect a few more updates from me over the next couple of days. Most of it will be to do with Ewan, and of course my gorgeous little daughter Iona.
xxx
xxx
Friday, October 01, 2010
Slovenia, October 2010 Slideshow
Slovenia, October 2010 Slideshow: "TripAdvisor™ TripWow ★ Slovenia, October 2010 Slideshow ★ to Cambridge, Bohinjska Bistrica and Bled by Hayley Brown. Stunning free travel slideshows on TripAdvisor"
Friday, July 23, 2010
This is Absolutely A List Of My Extremely Favourite Things
I thought I would give you a run-down of what I have been up to lately (and what I like doing) - most of the things I like and dislike, I feel extremely ever so strongly about!
- Remote controls - I LOVE them. I LOVE them so much, that when I get one in my hands, I do a special trembling thing, which means that I ABSOLUTELY EXTREMELY LOVE something. Mummy gets concerned when she sees me doing my special trembling thing, but I don't care because I EXTREMELY LOVE IT.
BTW... I don't like remote controls that are actually given to me to play with - these are ones that clearly do not work... Mummy and Daddy must think I am daft! - Light switches - let me touch one, and I am happy. I like to look upwards after I have pulled a string, to double-check whether the light has come on. Sometimes it doesn't work - particularly when it is attached to some of Mummy's clothes, or hanging off Mummy's ear. Very annoying.
- Balls - what can I say... it is a distinct contender for my First proper word (other than Dada and Mumumum)... along with "Ted", "Flower" and "Woof". Throwing balls is my fave game, and I am really rather good at it. I have decided I prefer Netball to Football though - Mummy told me it is much more exciting.
- Walking with my walker - this makes me giggle so much, because I am so EXTREMELY good at it! Sometimes though it makes my knees go wobbly when I laugh too much, so I have to stick my tongue out to help me concentrate. I wish I could make it go in a straight line though - then I could properly chase the cat with it!
- Mia - I would actually like to give her the biggest hug ever, and pull those long tickly things on her nose. Its just such a shame that she is so extremely busy all the time, and has to go out when I try to talk to her.
- Water - I EXTREMELY love it. I like to bath in it, and drink it, and save it in my mouth so that I can spit it at Mummy when she doesn't suspect I have it. This makes her pull a funny face, and I just have to laugh at her because she looks so silly. I am such a big boy because I can drink it out of my own cup. Hilarious!
- Iggle Piggle - Iggle Piggle is my idol - I want to be just like him. The other day I was watching him on TV and he did a big sneeze and fell backwards. That was SO funny, so I tried it too. How come it hurt me, when it didn't seem to hurt him??? Very confusing! Upsy Daisy is also quite cool - particularly when she dances. It makes me want to shake my bootie when she does that! Me and Mummy do lots of silly dances throughout the day - although I obviously look less ridiculous than Mummy, who seems to get a bit carried away with herself at times. I also love The Waybuloo and Tellytubbies... and the music to Chuggington and 64 Zoo Lane make me giggle.
- Telephones - again like remote controls, the pares keep fobbing me off with pretend ones of these - but I absolutely extremely LOVE talking to Nana on the phone when Mummy lets me. It makes me do all my heavy breathing routine, which Nana loves. Sometimes though I have been known to ring wrong numbers, and cut off people when they are talking when Mummy isn't concentrating. Silly Mummy.
- Cuddly toys - I love to nose my big Teddy, and give him special hugs. The best thing is when he lets me try to put my dummy in his mouth - HILARIOUS! I also love my red sausage dog that Aunty Jen bought me in Austalia - he has prompted me to start saying "Woof" whenever I see him!
- Sandwiches, blueberries and Yoghurt - yum yum yum! I will not ever, NEVER eat an avocado though!
I have been tricking Mummy for quite some time into thinking that I can only eat things as thin as soup (I like to see her with a furrowed brow)... however, whenever I am with my friends at nursery, I like to eat all sorts of lumpy things! I had managed to keep it a secret for quite some time, until Mummy ruined my fun and started poking around and talking about me behind my back. I thought she had sussed me out a while back when I started eating bird poo and leaves in the garden without pretending to gag - silly Mummy didn't catch on for AGES though!
Ewan
xx
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
I Feel Good, I Knew That I Would Now...
You will be pleased to know that I am feeling so so so much better this week - although, as ever I have the normal 'number 11' nose thang going on, and a few patchy rashes. I like to keep a few ailments on the go just so that Mummy and Daddy don't rest on their laurels! I had been having so much fun with Mummy and Daddy while I was sick last week though that I didn't want to go to nursery yesterday or today - so have been needing extra cuddles from the girls there. Rhiannon, my special girlfriend at nursery, is not even there to make me feel better. I will make Mummy pay for this later by refusing to go to sleep without at least 100 extra kisses!
Anyway - here is a picture of me on my ten month birthday last weekend. I am trying to think of new ways to get into cupboards without Mummy noticing - you can tell by the expression on my face that it's a very difficult thing to puzzle out.
I have some nice plans for the rest of the week (aside from bloomin' nursery again tomorrow). On Friday day-time I am meeting Aunty Jane and my friend Benjamin for lunch, and in the evening my Nanny and Grandad arrive for the weekend. I can't wait to see Nanny again so that I can do my special heavy breathing thing that we like to do when we see each other. I'm not sure why she does this, but I join in and make her think that it's my idea. Over the weekend I will be thinking of my Australian friends Campbell and Aiden - who are having their big boys 2nd Birthday! YAY! I hope they will give my Mummy some ideas of what to do for boys on their birthdays, as my first one is only two months away now!
Have a great Wednesday!
Lots of love
Ewan
xx
Anyway - here is a picture of me on my ten month birthday last weekend. I am trying to think of new ways to get into cupboards without Mummy noticing - you can tell by the expression on my face that it's a very difficult thing to puzzle out.
I have some nice plans for the rest of the week (aside from bloomin' nursery again tomorrow). On Friday day-time I am meeting Aunty Jane and my friend Benjamin for lunch, and in the evening my Nanny and Grandad arrive for the weekend. I can't wait to see Nanny again so that I can do my special heavy breathing thing that we like to do when we see each other. I'm not sure why she does this, but I join in and make her think that it's my idea. Over the weekend I will be thinking of my Australian friends Campbell and Aiden - who are having their big boys 2nd Birthday! YAY! I hope they will give my Mummy some ideas of what to do for boys on their birthdays, as my first one is only two months away now!
Have a great Wednesday!
Lots of love
Ewan
xx
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